I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
