your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
