Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
