i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
