i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
