If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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