I should be sponsored by Trojan
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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