I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
