Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
