Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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