Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
