Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
