Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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