real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
