how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
