My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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