I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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