So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
