he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
