you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
