you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
