your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
