he shaved USA in his pubs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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