ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
