ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
