can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need water and some morals
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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