So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need water and some morals
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
