I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
