Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
