Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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