capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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