I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
