I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
