LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
