he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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