I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
