I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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