Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
