oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
