I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
