Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize