So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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