Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
