Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
