just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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