Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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