He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
