we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
