no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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