I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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