I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
