Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
why do cheetos always look like penises
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
