kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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