I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your cock deserves a montage
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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