I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she smelled like a LAN party
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My vagina is officially offended.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
