Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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