just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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