I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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