I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
