At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
