You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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