Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
