She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize