i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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