Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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