Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
