An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize